(Saint) Alan Rowe

(aka Arena Owl )

Warning: From now on, the links in here might not take you where you expect. You will need every known variety of player and Plugin for images, audio, movies,... And excessive use will blow most browsers into the Wild Blue Yonder .

(Really neat Java scroller here).

Although we share names, or physical, musical, or thespian skills, none of these is really me:

(A musical instrument plus kilt; You Know Who saying you know what (or maybe not) ; Mel ("Buns") Gibson in a kilt; Willy the Groundskeeper ; Willie the wailer; M.C. Escher; Al, Al, Al, Wierd Al , and Al .) But please Don't ....

If you want to know what I really look like, and what I claim to have done, click on the nerd .

Registered member ("Estwhile High Priest of Posix") of the DNRC . Sworn enemy of all enemies (past, present and future) of the DNRC, such as LB and JT and PDB and MS .

Of course this site is:

  • under construction by large Caterpillar machinery

  • Explorer aware

  • Java hyped

  • Counts up hits

  • conforms to all other mandatory Politically Net-correct requirements. Well, all except the obligatory Universal Ribbon symbol.

  • To be a lumberjack (you knew this was coming...)

  • To have a haircut like Dave Barry

  • To have a haircut like Bill Gates of Microsoft (We are both nerds. We both go to SuperCuts . We are both cheap. We both have $nnB$$$, except me ).

  • To have a haircut.. well.. NetApp had this hair thing. Once upon a time, long long ago, when I was young and innocent, we were discussing this phenomenon and stock prices, and I was foolish enough to say something like "heck, if it goes to $1000, I'll won't colour my hair, I'll shave it off". Three splits later, it did, and I was forced to undergo the tender ministrations of Dave and Helen . With a swiss army knife.

  • I listen to Car Talk , even though they've shamelessly sold themselves to the Money Gods of the Net. Click here to see my monograph to them which clearly merited an entire show. Click here to see the Puzzler derived from it. Click here to see the answer. Click here to see my lawyer's strongly worded complaint to Dewey Cheetham and Howe. Click here to rant about their unconscionable behaviour.

  • the Reverend's Wedding Diaries . Right up there with Che and motorbikes, only without the Marxism .

  • The infamous Christmas letters . Unexpurgated except for removed email addresses.

  • The docs which are not entirely insane.

  • My letter to the Pope asking to be made an archbishop. Sadly lost to posterity. (Probably Boston, 2006)

  • (A baptism rite, of a manatee) My letter applying to be Pope. (ca 2013)

  • The Chronicles of Nala. The best (or at least, most unusual) bug report you've ever read. Trust me.

  • The diary of "It'll be worth it when it's done". And the evidence And the evidence to prove it ; And videos! : demo1 demo2

  • 50 years of photographs on Shutterfly, only partially indexed.

    Find all the Scotsmen ever mentioned in Monty Python (sadly, the original link has disappeared. It listed the Scotsmen by episode. This is a big loss to the world).

    The Capitol Steps (political satire)

    Wacko links

    Nessie

    Bible-thumping at its best

    Our favourites; quality is timeless...
    Yes, him again, Satanic Bill
    Satanic Barney and what to do about it

    I have many previously unknown relatives, including (I am sure) Royalty....

    My brother Alan (the cartoonist) My brother Alan (the comedian) My brother Alan (the actor. Who?)

    Brother Charles (try kissing him)

    SWMBO

    The Fair Fiona (ok, ok, it's not . This is Claudia Schiffer , but how else were we to get her married off?)

    Little Iain Rowe (of long ago) the famous ex- Latin scholar

    Fluffy the Cat (ok, ok, so it's a Feline Friend of Bill).

    The car (ok, ok, I wish. This steed is a 1929 Bentley and not the MG TD . I'd trade, though.)

    Jim Voll claims this is the worst web page he's ever seen. I accept his accolade with delight. Disclaimer/alibi/statement of contrition: I did this while bored at Tandem in about 1994; that's long before Google, before Internet Explorer, even before Netscape (it was done for Mosaic), and about the same time a couple of Yahoos were hosting a primitive directory on a Stanford computer called Akebono. Yes, it took a while to create. The tools consisted of an editor and HTML1.0, without benefit of a manual. Yes, it's written in raw html. No, I don't have time to update it (much) here. I periodically discard stale links, maybe every 5 years or so. But it still is quite wonderfully bad.

    If you made it this far, you might want to nominate me for a knighthood, sainthood, or, more likely, Barlinnie.

    Last updated 29 Feb 2024

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